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Attachment Theory: Why You’re Emotionally Glued Together Wrong (And Can’t Stop Dating Your Trauma...Or Something Like That..)


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Blame Your Parents: The Science-Backed Guide to Romantic Self-Sabotage

Welcome to attachment theory, the psychological equivalent of discovering that your favorite romantic disaster wasn’t just a coincidence, it was #hardwired into your nervous system by the age of three. Yes, that’s right. Your love life might actually be a rerun of your childhood, directed by your #prefrontalcortex, co-produced by #cortisol, and filmed entirely in the dim lighting of unresolved trauma.🎬

So…Let’s break down how science has made it impossible to blame #astrology and instead forces you to consider your actual #upbringing. Fun! 


***Parents, try not to get your back up here. We all know you had some crazy childhood situations too. These theories apply to you guys as well… So… think of healing yourself rather than being worried about being criticized here. 

This is about, “doing better, when you know better”…🪞


What Is Attachment Theory?

(Or: Why You're Still Mad at Your Mom)

Created by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth (AKA the OG emotional detectives), #attachmenttheory suggests that humans are biologically programmed to form close bonds with caregivers. Why? Because in our caveman days, if you didn’t cling to the nearest adult, you became an evolutionary snack.😳

This ancient survival system is still running in the background of your brain like a doomed Windows 95 program, shaping how you #love, #argue, and #pick emotionally unavailable partners like it’s your job.🤯


The Science (Because Feelings Alone Don’t Pay the Bills)

  • Neurobiology of Clinginess: Your #amygdala, the panic button in your brain, lights up like a Christmas tree during emotional stress. But get this: just holding hands with someone you trust can reduce activity in that fear center.  That’s right….A literal hand-hold(with someone you trust) is more powerful than your ex’s 47 unread texts.

  • Cortisol, Oxytocin, and Bad Decisions: #Neglect in #earlychildhood spikes cortisol (the stress hormone) and stunts #oxytocin (the bonding hormone). This chemical cocktail makes you either chase love like it’s oxygen, or avoid it like it’s an MLM scheme. Which one are you???🏃‍♀️💨

  • Internal Working Models: These are the deeply ingrained blueprints your brain builds in infancy to predict whether people will meet your emotional needs. Translation: if your mom ignored your cries, your brain now assumes everyone else will too. Good luck with that!🎲🎲


The Four Horsemen of the Attachment Apocalypse

Here’s your totally scientific, definitely oversimplified breakdown of how your inner toddler is steering the romantic wheel🚗:

  1. Secure Attachment

    Congrats🏆. Your parents met your emotional needs. You’re the #unicorn of adulthood, capable of both #intimacy and #independence. Stop reading and go thrive.🟢


  2. Anxious Attachment

    Raised on emotional breadcrumbs, you now interpret any texting delay as a full-blown rejection. You love love, but you're also terrified of #abandonment, so you check your partner’s location like it’s a stock you invested in.📈


  3. Avoidant Attachment

    Somewhere between “Don’t need anyone” and “I will emotionally ghost you mid-cuddle.” You were likely raised by emotionally distant caregivers and now feel smothered by actual feelings. You're the human equivalent of #airplanemode.✈️


  4. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized)

    Your nervous system screams “Come here!” and “Get away from me!” at the same time. Your #childhood probably involved #chaos, #inconsistency, or #trauma, and now your relationships feel like a season of Succession, #intense, #unstable, and filled with #internalbetrayal.🎭


Attachment and Humor: Why Your Sarcasm is Basically a Trauma Response (well sh!t...🫣)

Yes, even your jokes are infected. Studies show:

  • Secure folks use self-enhancing humor. You know, laughing with the world.

  • Anxious types prefer self-deprecating or ironic humor. You roast yourself before anyone else can. (hmmm🤔)

  • Avoidants go for absurd, nonsense humor. Because if you stay in the abstract, no one can touch your soft squishy center. (Not one word Michael...🤨)

  • Disorganized types? Chaotic memes at 3 a.m. that make your therapist concerned.


Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

(Insert Hesitant, Therapeutic Optimism Here…🤗)

Yes... kind of. Attachment is malleable, like the leftover Play-Doh that is your brain. 🧠🎉

Through consistent relationships, trauma healing, and actual effort (ugh), you can shift toward secure attachment. Neural plasticity is a beautiful thing, but so is blaming your parents. It’s your life, you have to live it however you decide...


Pro tip: Secure attachment isn’t about becoming chill, it’s about feeling safe enough to not lose your mind when someone doesn’t text back right away. It will be Okay, I promise!💜


Final Thoughts: You’re Not Doomed, Just Wired Weird (That's my jam!😃)

Attachment theory doesn’t mean you’re broken beyond repair. It just means your brain is following an outdated script written by survival instincts, unhealed wounds, and your childhood dog’s death (maybe). So the next time you’re mid-relationship spiral, take a deep breath, thank science, and say, “Ah yes, this is my #amygdala in crisis again.” Then go pet a cat🐈 .... Or call your therapist📞.


We can all get through this life together!



Disclaimer: This post is not medical advice. If you want medical advice, ask your doctor, not your cousin’s Instagram. 


*If you would like more information on nutrition and lifestyle changes or have questions, feel free to message me, or you can book a free Discovery call to see if I can help you. 

Book at redtreelifeandwellnesscoaching.com or call/text 919-246-9905

or use this link to book directly on my calendar⬇️


 
 
 

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